We do not set boundaries. At the moment. Even though we recognize it, we should do so. We let it go. Although the experience takes hold of us, we allow it, without standing up for ourselves.
We trivialize it, as “it’s nothing,” “it is not so important”, “it does not matter,” “she is right and I get peace.” We’re lying about the incident. To ourselves.
You may experience it with your mother? With your children? Your friend? Your boyfriend? The feeling is the same even though the source is different.
Towards special people in our lives we find it hard to say no. We are afraid of their reaction. In order that they would withdraw from us. Push us away. And shut down their love.
We smile and continue with the conflict, we do not dare to face it outwardly, now instead it has started inwardly.
It will be unsafe for everyone involved when we cannot rely on the answers we get and give. There must be congruence between what we think, feel and say if it should feel good.
For the energy behind always speaks louder than your words.
IT’S OK TO TAKE CARE OF OWN NEEDS AND SET BOUNDARIES
Our story regarding not disappointing our mother or children is not true. They can handle our response. It’s about us. We cannot handle the emotions that arise within us when we are witnessing others’ response to our answer.
Therefore, we often rather undermine ourselves and our own bordaries, than we will stand for others.
When you cross your own boundaries or agree to something that is not ok with you, then your subtle energy speakslouder than the action itself. Your mother notice it. Your children will feel it.
Each one of them concludes something about you or about themselves. Whatever the conclusion, it comes between you.
It is not beneficial for a close, honest and loving relationship.
Therefore, we must exert ourselves by being honest with ourselves and set boundaries in a clear and loving way.
Without doing others wrong.
Without defending or explaining ourselves.
Without wanting to (try) to control the reactions of others, so it is consistent with our expectations.
Indeed, it is the real challenge here is; We spend SO much (wasted) energy wondering about other people’s behavior and reaction, when the only interesting question really is: What how do other people’s reactions make me feel? How do they mirror what is happening to me?
It is deeply healing using our relationships that way.