I was furious when she told me that I should just change within myself and then my “messy” relationships (in this case with the children) would subsequently change as well. I would then get what I wanted, completely without a fight and manipulation.
I thought that if it really was true, why do all people and especially us in fusion families, not do this inner work? We are the ones, who most of all need to transform our relations challenges in order to grow.
Because many of us do not know that this is how things are. We do not know, we have a choice. We have given the power of our inner state of mind to our surroundings. Our peace and balance depends on how our relationships play out.
When our relationships are “messy”, they dominate our being. There is just no room for anything else in our lives. We have not the strength to develop.
I am currently in the process of getting an education as a spiritual mentor and I have some tips and tricks on how to handle my relationships, so they will be nurturing, loving, life-giving and meaningful and also give me energy, instead of taking my energy.
The first thing I realized was that my relationships always mirror, my relationship with myself. So if my relationship with myself is no good, I will experience a family and a world that is extremely “messy.” The good news is that when I start changing things inside me, my surroundings mirror them. There is less and less I would get irritated about.
So if I want to learn more about how things are in my mind, then I look at what my surroundings and especially the children mirror to me. I think it’s pretty cool that the things I do not like in my surroundings, are small hints to what I need to adjust and change within myself.
If I for example have trouble setting limits, I will constantly be exposed to people who push my limits. Again and again, until I have learned the lesson and found out what I need to change, those kind of experiences will quietly disappear from my life.
Then I begin to experience my surroundings and challenges I encounter as something possitive, which I am thankful for showing me on my journey to become an even more powerful version of myself.
So to take the outside world seriously and see our inner world being mirrored is one of the best self-development experiences we can feel. It is one of the fastest ways to get what we want and to learn more about how our relationships with ourselves really are.
The outside world always mirrors our emotions and therefore it is a good idea to know our feelings and know how we can improve our energy, so other people will begin to mirror it as well.
The other thing I have learned is that we always get what we expect from others. Our relationships live up to our expectations, so if I expect my kids to be annoying, they will be annoying, no matter what I say or do. Our surroundings almost transform themselves to live up to the role we expect of them.
Therefore, it is wise to look at our most important relationships and write down what we expect from them and look at whether or not they provide that. Then we can begin to turn our expectations turn or down and get what we want and our relations will quietly begin to adjust to our new expectations.
I think it’s clever and I’m doing it, it’s not easy, but it’s fun to practice. So try to practice, to expect something great and positive from your children, your fusion children and your partner. You will feel it in your guts and experience that they miraculously and quietly begin to meet your new expectations.
Have a wonderful Christmas!