It was never intended that we should work so hard for our college degree, so we can get that well-paid job and afford a beautiful house, two nice cars with the man whom we also have a pair of fashionably correct children. After the long to-do lists , we take care of it all as perfect as possible. It feels like being in a hamster wheel .
From the outside, our life seems perfect. We ooze of success. We have mastered it all. It’s all immaculate . We are a successful fusion family . We participate in the PTA , parents’ councils and sports clubs. We do whatever it takes.
We have been told that it is happiness . Now that we have it all, we are not happy. On the contrary . We are about to blow up. And many of us have created a life we do not have the energy to maintain.
We conclude that there is something wrong with us. That we are wrong. And we are ashamed of our ingratitude . We do have everything.
But we have overlooked the fact that the version of happiness our parents and society presented to us is not necessarily our version . Your version of a happy life can look very different .
A number of years ago I stopped and asked myself how many things in my life I would stop doing if there were no spectators at ? Where I did things just to get others’ recognition and respect or to appear “right.”
If no one knew I did it and I was not allowed to tell anyone about it , would I still do it? Very interesting questions and many interesting answers that I do not quite wanted to hear.
If we want to live an honest and authentic life , we need to listen to the answers that come and adjusting accordingly . What is my version of a happy life ? What are my core values? How can I get them in the game already ? And what should I choose in my life?
We trick ourselves into thinking that we do things for the sake of others , but often the truth is that we do not dare say no because we do not trust ourselves. Confident that we can manage other people’s reaction to our “No.”
I said “no thanks” to the family dinner, and to be on the parents’ council and to Christmas Eve with my parents . Without any lengthy explanations . I ‘ve dropped my tendency to ” explain-my-ass-off.” I do not have to justify my life all the time. Not even to my parents.
I trust that other people are able to handle my “no.” Their response is their responsibility not mine. I let others think what they want about what they see when they look at me and my life. I cannot influence or control their reaction any way.
Instead, I remind myself daily that life is intended to be fun, easy and pleasurable .