Letter To My Daughter’s Stepmom

I had this beautiful letter translated from a Danish Magazine Ude & Hjemme – written by Louise Søgaard.

Read it and shed a tear. This letter from a mom to her daughter’s  stepmom will change your life.


I never wanted you here. You were not part of my plan. When I was little and I dreamed about my future family, you were never a part of it. I would not need help from another woman to look after my child. My family would just be me, my husband and our children – NOT you.

And I doubt that you dreamed about me. I doubt that you dreamed of having a child that you had not even given birth to. I bet that your plan for the future only referred to you, your husband and your children – never me or my daughter. And I’m almost completely sure that you dreamed of becoming a mother the day you gave birth to your own child – not the day you married your husband. And you never dreamed of having me in your life.
But God had other plans for us. When my little family disintegrated and became two families, I knew you would come.

I imagined that you would be the evil stepmother and that my daughter would not like you – at all and never. I was hoping that you would not be pretty and I prayed that my daughter would never look up to you. Her father would know that he had to settle for second best. I was full of gleeful evil wishes, because I did not realize that another woman could be a good mother for my daughter.

But then you appeared.

Blended family - divorced family

When we met, I must admit that I was jealous. You were supposed to be ugly, right? But you were not. You were brilliant and beautiful. The idea was that you had to be an old evil woman, right? But you were not. You were a sweet young woman.

My plans were ruined.

It did occur to me that you had just as difficult a time meeting me, as I had meeting you. I could sense it in you. But how could you smile so friendly at me? I had already prepared myself to hate you. Why would you ruin my plan?

I did not want to like you, but you made it impossible for me to hate you, and before long I learned to appreciate you.
You have accepted our daughter from the very first moment and you unconditionally loved both her and her father. What a gift to us all. You have involved our daughter in everything and she feels both loved and accepted. You prioritized her relationship with her father before your own relationships, and only a very brave and wise woman can do that with such grace.

I knew when her father and I agreed to go our separate ways, that there would be times when he would need a mother for our daughter, and I would not be there. I am so grateful that you were there instead. I am grateful that you are so tolerant in her teenage years and that you never refuse her. She needs a mother, both when she is with me and in your house and you made it happen.

You have respected my special status as mother from the very start. I am glad that you always ask me first before making decisions relating to my daughter. I know that we have something very special and that not many mothers and stepmothers send each other text messages to remind each other how much they love and respect each other. You are a gift.


Because of you and your courage to be a mother to our daughter, she will be a better person. She will grow up more loved than I could ever imagine. It was not her choice her parents divorced. And although I do not wish that for any child, I am grateful that she now has four parents, who love her and each other. She is loving and caring because of it. And she has learned that pain and difficulties can be a blessing in disguise.

I don’t see you as a replacement when I’m not there. You are her mother when she is with you. And when she is with me, she is always welcome to call and tell you about her day. It makes my heart beat with delight. I feel an enormous pride when you put your arms around my daughter and give me a sincere loving hug every time we meet.
I know what it looks like when a mother cannot accept a stepmother in her child’s life. And I am more than grateful, that we are able to be better than that and do what is really best for our daughter. Thank you for being mature and respectful enough to be the mother along with me.


I promise that I will always respect your influence on our daughter. I promise never to belittle you or mention you as a less important person, and never say anything that will make you feel like less of a mother to our daughter than I am. I promise to raise her to be grateful to have two strong and courageous mothers in her life. And even though our relationship is idyllic, I pray that she will never have to experience a divided family again. But would she happen to have a life like ours, I will do my utmost to be a good role model for how a cooperating mother would behave.

Beautiful woman. You are a rare and beautiful find.

God bless you and I love you.


I hope you enjoyed the letter as much as I did.



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