Less action, more couch time in your blended life

How would your life look like if you eliminate all the obsessive or fear-based action?  How much of a difference will it make for your stepfamily life and for your life in general?

Questions I asked myself and it came from the reflections below. Hopefully you will be inspired.

Imagine the following scenario: It is Monday morning and with genuine
curiosity, you ask your colleague how her weekend was. In a 15-minute of uninterrupted and excited flow of speech, she tells you in details about how busy she has been, how much she has achieved, how effective she was, how well she has spent her time and how angry she was at her man as he tried to sneak in a nap on the couch, after he went to the recycling center with four loads of stuff. But she prevented him from taking a nap, just in time, fortunately.

You begin to fear what you need to answer when she asks what you’ve been up to this weekend. You have nothing done. Not even the laundry, cleaned or cooked. The feeling of your soft couch, this exciting book and the taste of the delicious take-out is all you can remember. You’ve just been relaxing wasting time, really wasting time, unproductive.

You suddenly feel ashamed of your inefficiency and laziness, trying frantically to come up just a little story you can blow up a bit so it sounds like something.

You hesitate, as it is your turn to tell, you can’t quite find the words and voila, your colleague takes over. Again. She has forgotten something. You are relieved. You do not need to unveil your laziness. History repeats itself next Monday. And next Monday. And next Monday.

STOP. Please. Just for a moment and reflect on the following:

Why do we love to talk about how efficient we are?
Why is it so important for us to share our business with others?
Why are our Facebook updates often characterized by long sentences with
everything we have achieved?
Why do we praise and recognize action and effectiveness?
And most importantly, why do we always need to stay busy?

I love action and I am proud of what I do and achieve. But I’ve noticed how many of my own and others’ actions that are coercive or fear based.

Actions we do to avoid something or out of fear that something will happen or “that’s just the way it is rule.”

We make rules like we MUST be clean EVERY Saturday. Grocery shop EVERY Monday.
In-laws time EVERY Sunday and eat meatloaf EVERY Wednesday. We have to run or work out 3-5 times a week out of fear of becoming fat, although we do not really want to or even enjoy it.

But when it is raining outside and we can NOT trim the hedge, weed, wash windows, mow the lawn or run, we are quite happy. We are – quite legally and socially accepted – exempt from the act.

Interesting…

“All possessions cause trouble” – my husband’s wise grandfather said. And he’s so right. Can’t we just lower our standards a little? Everything does not need to be perfect. Our neighbors might feel uneasy about our perfection any way.

But we have to start somewhere, so we shouldn’t we agree – that from today –
all obsessive and fear-based actions are socially unacceptable? That from now
on and as often as possible, we act only because it would be fun or we feel
like it….. (there are actually people who think it is fun to clean.)

I am excited to tell my mother, who has “CURTAIN CLEANING” and
“REFRIGERATOR CLEANING” in her calendar, about this.

It will also be a relief for those of us who have succeeded in creating a
schedule we do not have the energy to maintain, where the entire week is full
of things we need to accomplish.

I hereby decides that we ALL are – just in one month – prohibited from making compulsive and fear-based actions. Doesn’t it sound great?

It is hereby recognized and socially acceptable to lie on the couch all weekend.

I think many of us would breathe a sigh of relief when feeling excluded from a mega heavy responsibility and instead lounge on the couch, eating chocolate and drinking red wine as early as 4pm on Saturday afternoons.

In reality, I wish we have to learn a new language.

I dream – of course only tentatively – that words like busy, efficiency and optimization would disappear from our vocabulary. Instead, words like: being, love, vulnerability, intimacy, curiosity and enthusiasm would be used with the same frequency and zeal.

With the new language it should also be the law that the new “being-words” are to be received by an equally large and enthusiastic cheer as the old “doing-words.”

A sentence like: “I sat and stared out into the thin air with my mouth open for an hour” is to be appreciated in the same way that “I have cleaned the windows and baked a pie” would have been.

Let’s turn down the action and instead turn up the being, where we are alive, breathing human beings.

From this condition we act when inspiration is there and it feels easy and fun.
We will not be driven to only achieve.

We take collective responsibility. When we encounter people in our vicinity,
who do not know or have forgotten the new language and the new laws, we lovingly
bring it to their attention.

I love to imagine the world and the families that we can create if we quietly
begin to go from an almost 100% doing to 80% being and 20% ​​doing based on
inspiration and joy, instead of coercion and fear.

The new standard for the good life and the world I would love to be a part of,
as with all change, I still have to start with myself. Maybe you want to help to
introduce the new language to your world and to your fusion family?

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” I would go for a walk,
because I like.

Many loving greetings,

Charlotte

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