Are You Deep Inside Afraid of Your Partner’s Children?

When I met my husband 12 years ago, I never imagined that his two children would become the source of my greatest personal development.

I grew up with a belief that it is the adults who have life experience and live out their wisdom. They know how to live life the right way. It is the adults who provide knowledge and guidance on to the children. “Children should be seen and not heard”, is a saying I often heard in my childhood.

Soccer Referee Showing Yellow Card

I have never felt that I was interesting as a child. That I was worth listening to or my opinion was worth anything. I was brought up with the feeling of not being a “real” human, but a human “in the making.”

Until I became real person, it was just about learning from the adult authorities around me. If I did what they did. Did what they said, THEN I would do well.

Of course I wanted that!

I never got to feel like a real person, but still as someone who was taking shape. When I was 30 years old, I still didn’t feel I had fully developed and ready to take on life.

Then I met my Jégwan! Oh good! I was amazed how much his children were a huge part of his life. How much he listened to them. How much their opinion counted. And how MUCH they were allowed to talk.

Jégwan viewed his children as equal human beings. It was mind-blowing for me to experience that! He recognized fully that his children came with a wisdom that he could learn something from.

They were used to being seen, heard and recognized for the people they were and what they stood for. They had self-worth and confidence.

I did not know then! Therefore, it was a huge challenge for me, to be a fusions-mom to two children, who were more emotionally mature than I was.

I was approximately four years old emotionally, when I met them. My reactions were like a 4 year old. I was provoked, angry and did them wrong.

The reality was: I was SO scared of them. They scared me with their well-developed language and their tranquility.

At that time I did not understand that it was about me. Not about them.

I know now that they tore up the old internal wounds, as it was now time to heal. The children also showed me the side of myself, which I had to integrate and balance, so that I could become whole.

FusionFamilyBali

What a ride! Slowly I began to pull my projections back from other people and look for the wisdom of EVERYTHING what provoked me and made me angry.

The journey is not over yet, but my 4-year-old self has grown up and has turn 40.

I have never felt better about being me than I do now.

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