Nobody in our family says anything. It feels like a bad dream you just want to wake up from.
The entire house reeks of negative vibes and bad energy.
Everyone in your family remains passive. Everyone feels the bad energy. But no one dares to speak up. Properly they all think:
What if I am wrong?
What if they refuse to acknowledge what I feel?
What if they say it’s just something I’m imagining?
What if they become defensive?
Do you recognize any of the above? The above described can easily happen in the fusion family and it can be very difficult to manage in a positive way. But it can be done, if you have courage and dare to take a stand and put words on your emotions. (Yes, it is scary, but the result immeasurable).
Clear the air to make you whole family breathe again
You want to say something to clear the air, so the whole family can breathe again.
I’m a big believer in defining rules and systems, which effectively can help the fusion family in any predicament.
Inspired by author Jack Canfield, I suggest you introduce “The Fusion Family heart-to-heart-talk” to your family. And yes it might fee a little awkward in the beginning, but give it a try anyway. (You can always explain to your family that a silly Danish fusion family coach suggested this method).
By occasionally choosing a structured form of communication it becomes easier to deal with difficult conversations. Buy a soft red heart pillow (or something else) that you physically can hold in your hands.
Explain to everyone in your family the value and the rules of this ‘game’ and admit that it could feel a little awkward and weird at first, but you insist on giving it a chance and that this is a good way to be heard by the other family members. You want to make sure they will be heard.
The rules are as follows:
- Sit in a circle or around a table
- The person who has the heart is the only one to speak (set a time frame)
- Talk about how you feel (make sure that the sentences are formulated with: “I feel….when…)
- Do not judge or criticize what each person says (just listen to each other)
- After your turn pass the object or the heart to the left of you
- Keep the information confidential
- Do not stop talking until you have explained how you feel
Make sure your family understands the rules. Write them down on a piece of paper.
Start by letting the heart go around at least 1 time, so everyone has an opportunity to be heard. If no one says anything in the beginning, start another round. Someone will eventually have the courage to speak.
If a family member breaks the rules and/or talks when it’s not his/her turn, refer him/her to the written rules.
End the game when everyone is done talking.
By using a heart you will be reminded of the goal of this loving form of communication, which is an honestly and loving family life for all of you.
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